Parents in Australia speak about grief after their children’s deaths — ABC News Australia
In Australia, Kerry Westwood and Tonya Shubridge, who lost their daughters, spoke about experiencing grief and the support they found through communicating with other parents with similar experiences. ABC News Australia reported on their stories.
Kerry’s daughter, Lauren, was 15 when her condition worsened after returning from a school trip abroad. At first, the family believed the girl had caught a virus during the trip. After she was hospitalized and underwent an MRI, doctors discovered a tumor and diagnosed glioblastoma. Lauren died in July 2020, 21 months after the diagnosis.
Grief without defined time limits
Grief researcher and Curtin University psychologist Lauren Breen noted that the death of a child at any age is a profound loss because it shatters parents’ perception of the natural order of things. Katie Pakenas, a representative of the family support organization Ladybird Care Foundation, said that parents who have experienced the death of a child face an increased risk of depression, anxiety, traumatic distress and complicated grief.
According to Pakenas, grief is individual for every family: some people seek to speak openly about their loss, while others choose less visible forms of support. People can seek help either immediately after a child’s death or many years later.
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Support from parents with similar experiences
Kerry Westwood said that over the past six years she has learned to accept different feelings that can arise at the same time: sadness, anger, numbness and guilt over moments of joy. She consulted a counselor, but the support of other parents who had also lost children became especially important to her.
For the past 18 months, Westwood has been a mentor to Tonya Shubridge from Brisbane. Tonya’s daughter, Madeline, whom loved ones called Madi, died on April 1, 2024, shortly before her 21st birthday. According to her mother, the death was sudden and unexpected, despite Madi having cerebral palsy.
Tonya called anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas particularly difficult. She keeps a journal, writes letters to her daughter and tries to remember good events or warm memories every day. Tonya also asked relatives and friends to make donations to an organization in which Madi had been a participant. Kerry Westwood emphasized that it brings her joy when people are not afraid to say Lauren’s name and talk about her.
