Ben Vasiliou calls for rethinking masculinity
Ben Vasiliou, executive director of the Australian charity The Man Cave, has written the book Better Man: Reclaiming masculinity for good, in which he proposes a broader understanding of masculinity for boys and men. In his view, abandoning rigid stereotypes about dominance, control and emotional restraint can improve men’s mental health and their relationships, as well as help combat violence against women.
Vasiliou spoke about this in an interview with ABC News Australia. The Man Cave runs programmes for teenage boys on emotional literacy and a healthy understanding of masculinity.
Not rejecting, but expanding
Vasiliou does not advise making the term “toxic masculinity” central to conversations with men and boys. According to him, such wording may cause them to shut down dialogue. At the same time, he acknowledges the harm caused by behavioural models that reduce the image of a man to aggression, control and dominance.
The author stresses that qualities such as courage, strength, leadership, readiness to serve others, to be a breadwinner or a protector are not inherently negative. Problems, he says, arise when they exist in isolation from care, compassion, respect for personal boundaries and recognition of gender equality.
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In Vasiliou’s view, modern men should choose expressing emotions rather than suppressing them. He called for creating a safe space where men can talk about difficult experiences, support friends and seek professional help not only during a crisis.
Fatherhood and support
Vasiliou also speaks about the equal distribution of domestic, emotional and parenting work. He believes that fathers should be present in their children’s lives both physically and emotionally, and that men should not limit their role to earning money.
Vasiliou also spoke about his own experience. He grew up in difficult family circumstances and, at the age of 28, while married to a woman and raising two children, openly stated that he was gay. According to him, concealing this part of himself for a long time affected his mental health and relationships. He now remains in contact with his former wife, with whom he co-parents their children.
According to Vasiliou, The Man Cave has worked with 115,000 boys, and about 12,000 take part in surveys and programme evaluations every year. He said that in surveys, teachers and participants’ peers reported fewer manifestations of misogyny and homophobia, as well as a greater willingness among boys to seek help three and six months after the programmes.
