Can a message be a sincere apology in Israel? — Jerusalem Post
In Israel, ahead of Yom Kippur, a rabbi and educators discussed whether text messages, voice messages and social media posts can be a meaningful way to ask forgiveness from a person who has been offended. As The Jerusalem Post reports, the participants named sincerity and a willingness to acknowledge responsibility for a specific act as key conditions for such an apology.
An in-person conversation as a priority
Rabbi Zev M. Shandalov said that prayer on Yom Kippur does not replace the need to ask forgiveness from a person who was hurt or offended. In his view, the best option is to meet with that person in person. If this is impossible, he advises using a video call or a phone conversation.
Shandalov referred to the works of the medieval Jewish thinker Maimonides, which, he said, envision direct interaction with the person before whom one repents. He considers a voice message better than a regular text because the recipient can hear the sender's intonation. At the same time, the rabbi called a general social media post apologizing to everyone the author may have offended the least desirable method.
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Responsibility for a specific act
Teacher and author Oriya Mevorach believes that the issue is not the communication channel. According to her, social media makes it possible to reach a large number of people with whom a person stays in touch. However, a mass apology may seem offensive or insincere if it does not include acknowledgment of a specific mistake and awareness that another person was offended.
Mevorach noted that a general message may be acceptable if the author explains what behavior they are apologizing for. As an example, she cited acknowledging a tendency to insult or attack others online. She called a personal address, formulated with consideration for what the recipient would like to hear, the ideal option. To prepare such a text, Mevorach suggested using artificial intelligence tools, including ChatGPT.
How to respond to an apology
According to Shandalov, the recipient may accept an apology in a message if they consider it sufficient. If it is not enough, he advises responding that the situation requires a more detailed discussion. The rabbi also said that Jewish tradition allows a person to refuse an apology twice, but after the third appeal, they should forgive, although this depends on the specific circumstances.
