Israeli psychologist speaks about the second year after losing her husband
In Israel, clinical psychologist Batya L. Ladman, who is living through the second year after her husband's sudden death, spoke about how the approach of the Jewish High Holidays can intensify the sense of loss. In a column for the Jerusalem Post, she noted that after 47 years of life together, her husband remains present in her thoughts and actions.
After the first year
According to Ladman, the first year after a loss often passes in numbness and attempts to get through the many “firsts” without a loved one. The second year may seem easier because there are fewer new situations, but as the shock fades, the finality of the loss becomes clearer.
The psychologist noted that waves of sadness can arise unexpectedly and that grief has no single fixed timeframe. She pointed out that in Judaism, the formal mourning period ends after one year, but a person may experience loss in their own way throughout their life. The memory of the deceased is maintained through the annual anniversary of death and the Yizkor prayer, which is recited several times a year.
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Holidays and memories
Jewish holidays, she said, can be particularly strong reminders of a loved one's absence, whether through an empty seat at the family table or their absence from the synagogue. Ladman believes it is normal for sadness to intensify before such events not only in the first year but also in the years that follow.
She advised people experiencing loss to determine for themselves how much they want to participate in holiday preparations: if necessary, handing some organizational tasks over to others or, conversely, taking part in every detail. In her view, anticipating holidays can sometimes be harder than the event itself, while changes to the usual routine can make this period easier.
Ladman urged people not to demand a particular pattern of behavior from themselves and to move forward gradually. She also wrote that life changes after the death of a loved one and expressed gratitude to the people who supported her and to the everyday things she now values especially.
