Psychologist names five ways to respond to children’s tantrums
Licensed psychologist Julie Fraga, who has worked with new parents for nearly two decades, named five approaches to children’s tantrums and unwanted behavior. In an article by CNBC Top News, she noted that such behavior is a normal part of childhood and may be a way to communicate fears, anxieties, and other difficult emotions.
Calm down first
Fraga advises parents to first regulate their own emotional state when a child screams, argues, or has a tantrum. She suggests pausing and taking five deep belly breaths. According to her, children learn by observing adults’ behavior, so parents’ calmness can help them learn to regulate strong emotions.
Look for the reason behind the behavior
Rather than immediately telling a child to stop the behavior or rushing to solve the problem, the psychologist recommends approaching the situation with curiosity. She advises trying to understand what exactly lies behind the child’s reaction. For example, lying may be linked to a fear of punishment, while a teenager’s resistance to established boundaries may be linked to a desire for greater independence.
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Fraga also advises helping a child find words for their own experiences. According to her, unwanted behavior is sometimes a psychological defense against painful feelings, including shame, guilt, or sadness. By asking simple questions about whether the child is upset, angry, or worried, parents can help them identify their state.
Pay attention to your own reactions
The psychologist urges adults to assess whether a child is repeating patterns of behavior they see at home or at school. She suggests that parents pay attention to their own reactions to anger, anxiety, sadness, and fear, as well as to the physical sensations that accompany these emotions.
Check for possible sources of stress
According to Fraga, a child’s behavior may be affected by daily or prolonged stress, the arrival of a new child in the family, difficult changes, and exhaustion. She suggests using the H.A.L.T. principle: check whether the child is hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Sometimes a timely snack, sleep, or quality time spent together can change their reaction.
